A Note to the Single

We live in a world where two makes sense and one is often seen as only a problem to be fixed.

This leads those who are single to often feel inadequate for the job of living life and lacking in their experience of joy.

Yet, in the scope of reality, the feelings of inadequacy don’t simply fade away once we meet just the right person, and the search for joy is far from over once we experience the picture perfect wedding day.

Truth be told, our battle for contentment doesn’t accompany one particular season over another. It’s always there – giving it’s best attempt to be a part of every day.

I’m 24 and “still single” as they say. And though there’s been growth over the years, I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I have to offer is not a perfect formula to secure your contentment, but rather a few thoughts that might be helpful for you to think on today.

First off, It’s okay to grieve a little.

A few months ago I sat across a friend who was broken up about the hard things of life – the things that don’t seem fair and the things that we never asked for. She gave me a list of why she ought to be just fine and told me she really didn’t know why this hurt so bad.

I looked her in the eye and reminded her – it’s okay to go ahead and grieve. This has been one of the single most important things that the Lord has shown me in my singleness.

Too often we think that contentment means pasting on a smile and doing your best to convince the world that this was your plan all along – “thirty and single – yes that’s just what I‘ve always hoped for!”

And yet what did Hannah do in the midst of her intense longing for a child? She wept and she poured out her heart before God. Why? Because freedom comes when we allow ourselves to grieve over what isn’t. It’s what enables us to find healing and gives us the ability to move on with greater joy to what is. 

“…grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.”

If you’re the girl that’s dreamed of marriage and a happy little family since you were five, grieve what must be let go – at least for now – in order to embrace what you’ve been given today.

Second, remember that marriage done God’s way is a treasure.

Often times we like to avoid this reality and convince ourselves that we really aren’t missing out – think of the responsibility, think of the limitations! 

And yet, if we try to trick our thinking in this way we’ll only end up with a harder battle each time we come across another’s wedded bliss.

Marriage done God’s way is a beautiful gift. Instead of ignoring it, celebrate it and ask that if God sees fit, he’ll bring it your way in His timing.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it – not simply in the act itself. Remove the fact that it is God given and you’ll be left with a mess of two people’s lives without the true joy.

Recognize that the beauty of marriage is wrapped up in the Giver of it…

What you desire must be done in His time and in His way – so it’s really best to let go, live life fully, and let Him orchestrate the rest.

Third, always remember – marriage was never promised to you.

We often want a guarantee – thus we tell ourselves it’s probably just around the bend. And maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but the truth is – though marriage is common, it was never promised.

God does promise us that He has goodness stored up for those who fear Him and take refuge in Him (Psalm 31:19), but nowhere does He promise me a godly husband. This leaves me with no choice but to believe that God does not equate a good life with a married life. He is far more creative than that.

You and I would do well to remember – this too shall pass. Those words can bring hope when your patience runs out and when the desire seems overwhelming. Yet they also can be a gentle reminder that the beauty that we enjoy in this season may also come to an end as well.

Savor and enjoy – there’s always beauty to be found regardless of the trials you face and the desires you’re currently laying down.

Most of all, I pray you will always remember that though the world might try to convince you that you are all alone – you are seen, and you are loved by a faithful God. You have never been forgotten, nor will you ever be.

————

Amanda is currently serving Jesus as a single girl and seeking to steward well the time and opportunities that this season has brought her. By day she manages a local coffee shop in her small town of Rosendale, WI. Her evenings are typically filled with writing, reading, coffee dates, time with family and Bible study with her girls group. She started The Splendid Ordinary out of a desire to focus her own heart on living intentionally in the ordinary moments of life. You can also follow along with her on her Instagram.